Sunday, July 13, 2008

The ADDEdge Family Focus Issue 5: Are you perfect?

Well, as I think about our children and their challenges I am immediately brought to the thought of self-esteem. Why is our children's self esteem so low? Why does it seem that we struggle daily to convince them they are good people? And why does it seem that other times we spend the same amount of time trying to convince ourselves of the same thing?

One theory is our concept of perfection. It is believed, in fact proven, that part of the reason for a person's poor self-esteem is due to our concept of perfection and our belief that we are not.

We spend so much time measuring ourselves against our idea of perfection that it is no wonder we have a low self image. I do not know of anyone who is perfect. In fact, the thought of that is somewhat alarming. Can you imagine attaining perfection? Having nothing further to work for in life? Knowing you will never be better or smarter or healthier than you are right now?

Once we are able to let go of our idea of attaining perfection and embrace the thought of being constantly changing individual, we will surely feel better about ourselves! The amazing thing is that we can coach our children in this same technique!

One of the best things my mother ever taught me is that being perfect would not only be boring, but it would be a lot of pressure too! I grew up being grateful and relieved knowing that perfection was to be strived for, but never truly achieved. She had me fully convinced (and she was right) that being perfect would be boring!

The most amazing thing is that she convinced me of that without ever telling me that! She would ask questions like "Don't you think it would be boring to have nothing to work for?" or "Wouldn't you hate knowing what your grade was before you ever got a paper back?" Her gentle suggestions were enough to allow me to come up with my own opinions.

She allowed me to be able to judge myself against what was right and wrong, not against my idea of being perfect. I encourage you to do that with your children, and yourself.

If we can eliminate this idea of perfection, we will think more highly of our kids, and in turn allow them to think more highly of themselves.

So, over the next week I encourage you to try to drop the thought of reaching perfection, and keep in mind that you are the perfect you! No one is better at being you than you are! You have achieved your own perfection, and the great thing is that by defining perfection this way, you will continually be able to strive for improvement.

If you would like to comment on this topic, please visit

TheADDEdge blog and post your thoughts!

Until next time...

~Stay Strong

Tracy Hoobyar is a personal trainer for academic, personal and professional excellence for people with ADHD, and those who love them. After graduating from the University of Nevada, Reno with a degree in Psychology and working with children as a substitute teacher and volunteer, she learned what an incredibly widespread problem ADHD can be. Through her training in NLP, Psychology, and her experiences working with all these children, she has finally developed a unique yet effective program to help those living with ADHD. She blogs about various parenting issues affecting all those concerned and she is a frequent guest blogger on Sew Cute’s blog. Learn more by visiting

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